My mind is so conflicted.
What's real and what's not.
Part of me wants it to hit me.
So I can start dealing with it.
But the other part, the stronger part.
Wants to escape it so badly.
That I won't let myself believe it's true.
And I don't want it to be either.
The urge to get high is so strong.
I'm may be winning right now.
But I'm still in the fight.
I'm so tensed up.
I wish I could just relax.
Or just give in to the urges easily.
Or just give up altogether.
But I always have been a fighter.
Soldiering on after every fall.
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