Sunday 30 September 2012

Mood Swings.

My moods been all over the place.
Fine this morning.
Hysterical at lunch.
Hyper at tea.
And now I just feel empty and lost.
What is wrong with me.

Slice, Slice, Slice.

Feel like shit.
Wanna slice up.
So bad.
This is driving me crazy.

Saturday 29 September 2012

Section #6 million.

Pahahaha, sectioned.
What a joke.

Screwed.

Screwed.
They found out.
Must get better at hiding evidence.

Arghhhh!

Don't know what happened.
Woke up in ICU.
Been moved to ward 3.
My Potassium's low, apparently. 
Cut up to fuck.
Ruined my however many months free.
My angels struggling.
I'm so sorry.
Staff are gonna kill me when they find out.
Shitting hell.
Fail. Fail. Fail. Failure.
Got away with them taking my bp.

Friday 21 September 2012

Deep Dark Place.


I'm in a deep dark place.
With nowhere and no one to turn to.
The people that can help, won't.
Nearly dying is not enough.
It doesn't warrant extra support, so it seems.
Obviously I'm not worth saving.

Can't Take This.


Just want to scream & shout.
Arghhhhhhhhh.
Really can not take this.

Wednesday 19 September 2012

It's Over.

I've made up my mind.
Need to make the last preparations.
As sad as it is.
It's done, it's over.
I can't take this no longer.

Housing Troubles.


Another thing to add to all my troubles.
I'm potentially facing homelessness.
Someone has made another complaint against me.
I can easily bet on who.
It doesn't bother me too much.
I just wish people could understand.
 I don't mean to be this way.

Surprised.


Phoned the Crisis Team.
Was rather surprised, I have to say.
Actually spoke to someone decent.
First time ever, seriously.
She was called Kate.
Make a mental note.

Tuesday 18 September 2012

A Hole.


All I have left to do it write the letter(s).
There is a certain sadness with that.
But theres a kind of numbness, a hole almost.
I guess I'm just full of emotion.
I feel content knowing the end is near.
Maybe that's not the right word.
But it's something like that.

Monday 17 September 2012

Fuck Sake.

Thinsg are dfuked.
I just wna t to end ot all.
Jusr wann to fucking die.
Or for all thes shit to go awy/

Falling Apart.


I really want to get over this.
But I have no idea how to.
I'm falling apart right now majorly.
And I can't see a way out.

Racing Thoughts.


Mind please switch off.
Racing thoughts.
I'm going hundred mile an hour.
Feeling wired.

Twisted.


I'm slightly twisted at the moment.
Kind of excited, by the prospect of death.
Getting a cocktail of pills.
Hopefully it will be fatal this time.
Please let me rest peacefully.

Saturday 15 September 2012

Destroying Me.


The rape, the abuse, it's destroying me.
Making me an angry angry person.
With no healthy way to vent it.
It's eating me alive.
I'm certain it's going to be the death of me.
It's gonna be my suicide.
I can't take this.

Internal Battle With The Outside World.


Internal battle with the outside world.
All I know is that there is no way that I can win.
Get the thoughts out of my goddamn head.

Thursday 13 September 2012

Binge/Purge.


Really need to binge.
Ahhhhhhhh, I hate this.
Need to get through this urge.
Else all hell will break lose.
My craziness unleashed.

Wednesday 12 September 2012

No Extra Support.


Nearly died last week.
But apparently don't need extra support.
Feeling rather let down and defeated.
Obviously I'm just not worth it.

Tuesday 11 September 2012

No Hope.


All hope has gone.
And I'm purging again.
Ordered more pills.
Just want to be gone.

Monday 10 September 2012

Wednesday 5 September 2012

Tuesday 4 September 2012

Ignorant Bastard.

Some people are, I can't think of the word.
Ignorant, thats it.
But they make my blood boil.
They make me lose it.
Why do people post that they want to die.
Errr, maybe because they need support and help.
Idiot.

Escaping Reality.


Getting drunk and pilled up at 9am is probably quite a record.
A stupid one at that.
I've only been up properly since 8am.
Can't even last a hour in reality how pathetic.

Monday 3 September 2012

Vampires, Again.


The vampires have come back.
Screaming and yelling.
MH worker was useless about my suicide plan.
Just tell your social worker.
Struggling so much right now.

Sunday 2 September 2012

High, OD.

I just want to overdose, again.
Think I may wait till tomorrow.
Just get rather high today.
It's a sad life.

They've Gone.


My Tinks and the KITTEHS 
They've been rehomed.
Heartbroken, that's what I am.
Only had her for about a month.
But I loved her too bits.
Was in floods of tears when they took her.
Your gone but not forgotten.