Suicidal Ideation.

I was so sure I'd overdose today.

My ED therapist phoned my support worker.

Told her to meet me so I would give her all my pills.

That wasn't going to happen.

I already told her I wouldn't hand them over.

But she phoned her anyway.

Anyway it didn't happen.

I got back to late from therapy.

So she left a note saying she'd popped round but I was out.

And to drop the pills off at the hostel if I wanted to.

Thats where she works.

And where I used to live.

I nearly overdosed when I got home.

I was so full of emotion.

But I rang the hostel to see if my worker was there.

She wasn't, but she had told the manager about the pills.

I broke down on the phone to her.

Unusual for me.

She asked me to come up for a chat.

I know if she hadn't done that I would've done it.

I still feel unsafe.

Tomorrow morning I'm seeing my support worker.

I might ask her if she'll take me to A&E.

To get assessed.

I'm too scared of going by myself.

Worried they won't take me seriously.

And send me home.

That'll just make me worse.

For sure.