Relaxation.

I really need to learn the art of relaxation.
It is something I truly suck at.
Holding a lot of stress in my body doesn't help.
I've never been able to just sit without feeling the tension.
Not always mentally but physically I mean.
I'm in need of a good massage.
But it feeling comfortable enough to let someone touch me.
I mean it's pretty a intimate situation.

Paranoia.

Sleep is becoming troublesome again.
And my anxiety has heightened.
I can not let the paranoia take hold.
I don't want to be imprisoned again.
The outside world is scary.
It's something I have to face though.
I'd rather that than the sheer isolation.
Jumping at every drop of a needle.
Hiding behind the curtains because I fear I'm being watched.
That's not a Life.
That's being trapped by an illness.

Good Day.

Positive day even without the best start.
Nice and relaxed, without urges flowing.
Or racing mind and intrusive thoughts.
Very freeing.
Very satisfying.
A day where my creative ideas can flow.
And my awkward social skills are less awkward.
It's nice to just breathe.
And have a good day.

Bulimia.

Stuffing my emotions down a lot.
Trying to hold it together.
Impulsive though my mind.
Binging on intolerable amounts.
The numbers on the scales rocket.
My purse is looking empty.
I see my body, I feel the guilt.
I'm ashamed.
Tops of my thighs touching with fat.
I exercise and exercise.
Multiple times a day.
But the binging still remains.
I'm just in one big sorry cycle.