Mother's Day.

So it's mother's day today.

I sent her some nice flowers.

Which she appreciated.

I just hope my brother gave a present.

Normally I buy a present from him.

I didn't do that this year.

Figured he was old enough to sort it.

Maybe that was selfish of me.

I'll see her tomorrow.

I hope she likes my present.

It's not something she asked for.

But why choose the easy option.

Disgrace.

I go and do stupid things.

Like fucking up a whole day.

Stuffing your face, greedy.

Only to bring it all back up.

You completely disgust me.

What a disgrace.

Breathing Techniques.

So things are not all bad.

I've just started psychotherapy.

And she's given me some skills.

Breathing techniques.

One is surprisingly helpful.

And actually helps calm me.

Who would have thought it.

Fearful Things.

It's rather funny.

The things that you fear the most.

Are the things will actually help.

Oh the cruel irony.

Sending you down fear fighting paths.

Making you stronger still.

6 Months.

So it's been 6 months.

Can hardly believe it.

Am I supposed to forget the pain.

They say I'm a fighter.

And they're probably right.

It means I can't give up.

No matter how much I want to.

I just want to be with you.

Is that so very wrong.

Shifting Weight.

My weight needs shifting.

Once and for all.

I know I can do this.

Whether you're behind me.

Or whether you're not.

No crap in whatsoever.

I can sure do this.

Weight I've put on.

Since taking Olanzipine.

Its coming right off and more.

Stars.

It's hard without you here.

But I'll cope I have to.

Looking at the stars.

Have you wished on one.

We'll both be under the same sky.

Tonight all night.

Rocky.

I really need to keep it.

Keep you guys up on my life.

I've had a rocky time of it.

With a few hospital admissions.

Plus the delightful dissociation.

I am still here fighting.

Up & Down.

Been up and down.

That's to say the least.

Suicidal lows.

Manic highs.

Or just high on life.

And other substances.

I can't keep up.

Dissociation.

I've lost time today.

It went missing somehow.

I was dissociated.

Whilst in that state I overdosed.

On the Tramadol.

Don't know how many.

But I'm feeling rough.

Scared to sleep.

In case I don't wake up.

I don't want to die.