Appeal Sent.

Finally finished my complaint appeal.

The complaint from rehab that is.

Where I wasn't involved in my S117 meeting.

I was denied that right.

Then they decided to lie to me.

Pretend it never happened.

Do they really think I'm that stupid?

Having a MH diagnosis does not make me thick.

I am standing up for others like me.

We should not be treated this way.

Le Psych.

Psych appt was confusing.

He did listen however.

So that is the main thing.

Most don't and that is clear.

I'm unsure whether I got anywhere.

That I guess is the confusing part.

Talking is extremely tiring at times.

And mum now knows the severity of things.

Even if I can't take it in myself.

As it really doesn't seem relevant to me.

GP.

Saw the GP today.

Intended on having the blood test.

Let just say I put it off.

Managed to bring up the kidney stuff.

But only a little bit.

Better than nothing, I suppose.

Got my fortisips and Cerazette stopped.

Thankful to be on less meds.

I've got to do a menstrual diary.

Cerazette fucked my periods.

So horribly bad.

Ick.

I feel ravenous today.

Nothing is satisfying me.

Its not a real physical hunger though.

If it were that I'd be full.

It must be something emotional.

Not sure what though.

I feel pretty content.

Potential Damage.

They want more bloods.

To check my kidneys again.

See if it's still damaged.

Like it was the other week.

I should be scared.

The whole overdose should have.

But it didn't, it never does.

I can't take myself seriously.

Didn't die, can't be that bad.

This is what I tell myself every time.

And I get that same look.

They think I'm crazy.

But maybe my reality is just different.

People...

I can't believe it.

Literally have to get in a state to realise.

She brainwashed me against him.

Cannot trust anyone.

All those years and now I see it.

And now he's gone.

Destroying Me.

This illness is destroying me.

Too many people lost.

The world is such a twisted place.

Holding so much fear at life.

The flashbacks, the nightmares.

I am beyond low.

It isn't going to get better.

Time isn't healing me.

Hurting everyone around me.

Without even meaning to.

I am poison.

Pickles.

I feel positively horrible right now.

Both my head and body are too stressed.

It feels just never ending in all honesty.

This concerns me.

Racing Mind.

My brain just won't seem to stop.

Head in a Blender.

Metal to skin.

Just do it.

Her head screams.

Suffocating.

Coming nearer to fathers day.

Reminders everywhere he's gone.

It's like a stab in the heart.

I have no dad, I have no father.

No more, just ashes.

Too many feelings.

It's suffocating.

Urges to harm.

I'm triggered.

Angels.

So many beautiful people.

Losing the fight of their lives.

Flying up to heaven, becoming Angels.

I miss you all deeply <3

Gone.

I'm low, like beneath the floor.

Frankie's gone, Dad's gone.

Others as well. Too much death.

Mum's low, reminds me of childhood.

Reminds me of bad times.

Something I want to escape from.

I want to break free.

From the exhaustion, the sadness.

I don't want to keeping fight.

I don't want to stay strong.

I'm tired.

Emotionally Tired.

Emotionally tiring day.

Well more than the recent usual.

The bomb scare. Feelings of panic.

Are they still alive? Yes, Thank God.

Dog sitting, taking him for a walk.

I feel confident, content even.

His wound re-opens.

Feeling guilty, and upset.

Have I broken him?

Bro takes us to the vets.

He is calm and logical.

Feeling very grateful.

Come home and stick the telly on.

It's talking about DNR.

I'm overwhelmed with sadness.

Perhaps even anger.

And grief for the dad we lost.