Crisis Time.

Shaking on the phone.

And shortness of breath.

I feel panicky.

It makes me want to die.

Kind of.

At least overdose.

Which I wouldn't care if it led to death.

Contemplating going to A&E.

Well I was.

I am kind of in a crisis.

But I'm not depressed or miserable.

I'm just overly stressed.

Not that you could tell from the outside.

I'm not sure they wouldn't take me seriously.

Because I don't look a risk.

To myself.

Small Successes.

I shouldn't down play them.

They're actually massive successes.

Not small in any way.

For me at least.

I went a week binge free.

Yes thats right.

I ate like a normal person.

For a whole week.

That is huge.

Secondly.

I've been able push past some of the anxiety.

Meaning I managed to go to the gym.

Not once, but twice.

And on my own.

I'm gonna make it a regular thing.

I think.

Oh Dear.

I want to overdose so bad right now.

I want to tell someone.

Though my anxiety won't let me.

It's so fucking stupid.

I know if I don't say something.

To somebody.

Preferably a certain person.

Who I know will help.

She always does.

That I'll end up doing it.

Go Away Please.

Intense urges.

To harm myself.

Arghhhh.

Please go away.

You are hurting my head.

We Need Peace.

There should be peace in this world.

It's lacking right now.

People are getting killed.

Left, right and centre.

My heart goes out to their families and friends.

It's so sad.

Why can't we find peace with one another?

And live in some kind of harmony.

Sunshine.

I wish I could appreciate this beautiful weather.

Sunshine and blue skys.

People outside in summer clothes.

Enjoying themselves.

I live in hoodies and jeans.

Last year it was because of my arms.

Full of scars from cutting.

This year it's not that.

The scars don't bother me anymore.

I don't care what other people think of them.

It's because I'm fucking huge.

I'd rather it be raining and cool.

Broken Blood Vessels.

Woke up with loads of tiny red dots on my eyelids.

Broken blood vessels.

Thats the beauty of purging for you.

At least I have freckles.

They make them not so obvious.

Looking Different.

I look so different.

After purging.

I looked so much better.

Don't ask me how that works.

Surely I should look worse.

Apparently not.

Maybe my heads just fucked.

Fuck.

Well that was an immense fail.

I don't know why I bother trying anymore.

I can't even concentrate to read.

Even if I could I wouldn't be able take anything in.

This is just pointless.

Meet Up.

Why, why, why, did I text her that?!

I wish I could take it back.

I don't want to meet up with her.

She doesn't accept who I am.

And I want her to be something that she'll never be.

A supportive mum.

Damn it.

Overwhelmed.

I'm not sure what to expect today.
I've got so much to do.
So many people to see.
Feeling so overwhelmed.
And scared.

Maybe I do need my medication.

Bad Situation.

It's not really any of my business.

But it worries me.

He's controlling her.

Being abusive.

I don't know what I should do.

It concerns me greatly.



No Feeling.

Feeling really numb today.

Like half dead.

My brain isn't working properly.

asdfghjkl;'#

My stomach is in knots.

And I'm crying.

I've just come back from the doctors.

Damn that place is stressful.

I'm so angry.

So frustrated.

I've had 4 panic attacks this week.

I barely go out because of my anxiety.

Yet apparently I'm fit to work.

In 2 weeks.

Pathetic.

You have no idea.

Just add more stress.

I'm ready to snap.

I really am.

I want to run away from all this.